Tell Me That You'll Never Leave
by team-allen
Summary: Brendan can't express his feelings and thoughts any other way than in a letter. First time writing these two, so apologies if the voices are wrong. Un-beta'ed, all mistakes are my own. Rating for language. Re-posted after a few changes.


'Dear Steven,

"**Brendan, it's me, listen there's been an accident at the wedding, and…its Ste…he's in hospital…"**

Those seventeen words from Cheryl, those seventeen words that turned my world upside down. All I'm doing is replaying them over and over in my head. Even now, when I'm here, sitting in the hospital café (it's true what they say by the way, hospital food is shit); I can't make any sense of them. It should have been the happiest day of your fucking life, but instead you're lying in here…broken and bruised…I can't even…fuck sake; I didn't think writing would be this hard.

I know I probably shouldn't even be writing to you, but I need to say this, and as you know, more than anyone, I'm not the greatest with words, but I've wasted too much time already. I fucking love you Steven. I never believed in love at first sight, but fuck if that wasn't what it was when I first saw you. There was something about you, so captivating and it fascinated me and from that moment I was hooked.

I wish I had treated you better, I wish I could have been half the man you were, but I was scared, finally admitting it right, but I was…hell, I was fucking petrified. But you, you were just you, You didn't hide behind anyone or anything and I've never told you before, but I respected you so much for that.

That first time you kissed me…it should have been anything but perfect, but it was as you made it perfect. All those kisses we shared. Why did I want to hide them? I can still feel your lips on mine, smell you, taste you.

If I could turn back the clock and change things I'd do it in an instant. I'd do it for me, for you, for us.

Us. That's a word I never thought I'd use. Because there isn't one and it's because of me, but you're probably thankful for that right? You have Douglas now, you're happy, and that's something I could never do; make you happy. Hurt and pain, that's all I could do.

I'm rambling now, but Steven, fuck, you need to wake up. Douglas needs you, the kids need you, Cheryl needs you. _I_ need you.

Please.  
xx'

"Bren, you're still here?" Cheryl said, as she walked into the cafeteria.

"Hey sis," Brendan said and quickly folded up the paper. He looked up at her with bloodshot eyes where he'd been crying…again. "Yeah, just, err grabbing something to eat y'know."

"Brendan," she said as she sat down and took a hold of one of his hands. "It _is_ okay to cry."

"Cry? Why would I cry? Steven's…" he said, and scrunched his eyes up and raised his head towards the ceiling. "Steven's gonna be fine. He's a fighter, he'll get through this."

Cheryl gently squeezed his hand and nodded at the paper. "What was that you were doing?" she asked, changing the subject.

Brendan looked back at her and pulled the paper towards him. "Just club stuff, ideas for the New Year," he said nodding. "Is Douglas here?"

"Yep," Cheryl said with another nod. "He's barely left his side."

"Good, that's good," Brendan replied, taking a deep breath. "He needs to be there when Steven wakes up."

"Bren…" Cheryl started, but was interrupted by the sound of Brendan pushing his chair back.

"Look," he said as he stood up, putting the paper in his back pocket. "I'm gonna go, get the club ready and…um…yeah."

Cheryl gave him a small smile as he walked away.

Brendan slowly walked down the stairs until he reach the floor. _Steven's _floor. He quietly walked down the corridor to his room and peered in through the window, taking in the sight in front of him; Doug sat on a chair, bloodshot and tired eyes and tear-streaked face, his hand gripped in one of Ste's own and the pad of his thumb running across the silver wedding band.

Brendan squeezed his eyes shut; a solitary tear fell as he did. He knew; he knew he'd lost Ste a long time again, but he couldn't watch Leah and Lucas lose their daddy, and Douglas…Ste was _finally _happy and as much as he knew it would hurt, he couldn't watch Doug lose his husband.

He took one last look through the window and whispered,

"Please Steven. Please."


End file.
